1999: Yellow Tail Records YT-10014
OH MY GOD!!!!! I dont know what I expected when I ordered this single in the first place, other than that I was deliriously happy to have ANYTHING new from Uncle Bonsai at the time, but I could not have ever anticipated whats on this CD. If you havent heard it yet, picture a live recording of a song preceded by pre-song chatter longer than the song itself and interrupted by a lyrics flub that nearly derails things into another comedy routine, for a total running time of nearly 17 minutes. Its like being onstage with the trio itself, you can hear them stifling laughter and making offhand comments amongst themselves as things range further and further off-track . When they actually get around to the song itself its not quite anticlimactic (and certainly not as worthy of disparagement as Andrew Ratshin repeatedly suggests, and after the lyrics flub they roar back into shining form), but SHIT this is funny overall. Its not just fun to listen to once: it actually gets funnier after repeated listenings, I find.
I wish I could provide an exhaustive transcription of this singles verbiage, but there are some moments when all three members of Uncle Bonsai are saying something (or starting to) and their voices become literally indistinguishable its amazing. For Uncle Bonsai addicts out there, and for those who accidentally come across this page/website, I transcribe the following gems and in-jokes:
ANDREW: Um we have our first sing-along for you.
ARNIE: Isnt that sick?
ANDREW: Anyway, what youre going to be singing is Sponge Boy, Sponge Boy . hey, you didnt expect it to be la, la, la, did you?
ASHLEY: whats the song about, Andrew?
ANDREW: This songs about
ARNIE: Tell them what its NOT about, first
ANDREW: OK, I had to say this last night: this song is NOT about contraception. O.K .
ARNIE: O.K.? but one thing I wanna know isdoes the Boys room have a blue one? The Girls room has a pink one isnt that great? and for so cheap!
ANDREW: O.K., O.K., were, were, were talking about, like, last night, seeO.K.
ARNIE: (I know.)
ANDREW: we had all these realizations in the middle of our show last night that, y, they had, they have, um, um, uh, machines in the bathrooms, that sell
ARNIE: We can all say condom, Andrew !
ANDREW: I was going to SAY it, I was just trying toI was stuck on the word machine!
ARNIE: Oh! Ill be patient
ANDREW: Um, and they have condom machines in the bathroom, and what fascinated me about them is that they were seventy-five cents and I wanna know who sets the value. Because I wanna know if like youre here on like a hot night or something like that and you see a woman on the other side of the room and you go <macho sniff> yeah, shes worth seventy-five big ones! Yknow, its like . Yeah, I got seventy-five big ones, I think Ill take that little filly home with me!
ONLY 75 cents !
ARNIE: cause this is, this is a town that only had liquor stores and ammn ammunition stores, andalternating, down the street .
ARNIE: Maryland is the South .
ASHLEY: They sold
ANDREW: They not only sold condoms, you know, they also sold
ASHLEY: oh those gumdrops or whatever.
ANDREW: l not GUMdrops, LOVE Drops!
ASHLEY & ARNIE crack up, probably because ASHLEY just corpsed ANDREW
ANDREW: and I know that, that, send me out into the world with a condom and some Loooove Drops, and Im and Im a successful human being.
ARNIE: Dont talk to my people that way.
ANDREW: HeyI wasnt talking to YOUR people.
ARNIE: (faux-gravely, to audience) Come these are my people .
ANDREW: Yeah? Theyre not wearing hats .
ASHLEY: Theyre right here the words are right here, so quick, lets go, Im lookin right at em now .
ARNIE: is the little ball bouncing, too?
ASHLEY: (laughing) No, it hasnt begun yet, cause I dont hear the music .
ARNIE: This is getting violentcmon!
ARNIE: I I was reading the inside of your mind. And Im sorry Ill stay out .
ANDREW: That ball bounced four lines and then dropped dead, didnt it, boy . You gotta change balls on the serve!
Comments © 2006 Mark Ellis Walker, except as noted, and no claim is made to the images and quoted lyrics.